evolving

She let herself go…

You know that old George Straight song, “She Let Herself Go”?

 

There is something to be said for it. Far too often we have put restrictions, guidelines, and rules on our life – of what society accepts as normal. It’s ridged, uncomfortable and I really don’t know anyone that can actually adhere to it.

 

I spent the better part of 6 months working out HARD, 5 times a week. Watching & counting every morsel that went into my mouth. Following a schedule, keeping a immaculate house, doing my hardest to please everyone around me. All for the expectations of others. And I don’t have a clue why. Maybe to look like I totally had it all together. But instead, I gained 20 lbs and a lot of frustration that I didn’t end up looking like a magazine cover (see…those stupid societal expectations) and I was freaking hungry. Nobody likes momma when she’s hungry.

 

The longer we keep lying to ourselves about what we want, the harder the journey is.

 

Don’t get me wrong, Type A personality helps me be organized, but it can also be the death of me. You see, there isn’t a perfect way to do life. There never was, never will be. It is that moment when you realize that, that you’re set free.

 

You may or may not know it, but I am an introvert to a t. It’s hard to find the balance between social media, running an online based business, and occasional public work related events. Sometimes I feel like I need a vacation or a day of sleep afterwards. Being some-what in the public eye can tends to be exhausting.  When I realized that I should just own up to it, instead of hiding it/faking it, it was extremely uplifting. You see, the world wants us to be more, be socially extroverted, be seen. That’s just not me. I’d rather hang out around my kitchen table, or the back porch with a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and talk. Not chit-chat. But talk.

 

I want to enjoy the now. The joy is truly in the journey, not the end result. So I’m letting myself go. I’m not taking myself too seriously. I’m going to give myself a little grace & acknowledge that my body has birthed 2 human beings, suffered through hell with 10+ years of chronic illness, that food is my favorite F word (besides FREE). That maybe I have more to bring to the table as myself , how God created me (perfectly imperfect), to help others as I am than pretending to be something  that I simply am not. To say screw-you society. To show my kids that they are perfect the way they are, that they belong & there is a place in this world specifically for them. To take care of your body & mind, but not to lose it in the process. To take the damn vacation. To make & eat a delicious chicken fried deer steak.  To stay up to late talking to an old friend, or call it a night at 8pm. That none of it really, freaking matters.

 

I’m letting myself go. You wanna go with me?

 

 

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