Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is? I have.
Have you ever been “stuck” in a rut? In a funk? I have.
Have you ever prayed ever-so-diligently that the Lord would reveal your purpose & then waited (and waited) for what seemed like an eternity, only to not hear what you thought you were supposed to hear? I have.
Have you ever been knocked-down, discouraged, and lost hope…in well, everything? I have, y’all.
You are not alone. The last few weeks (sorry about my blog-absence btw) have been interesting, lonely, frustrating, and eye-opening. Kind of like one big headache. Things I have prayed for & about, sought council over (got to love 3rd party advice/interpretation) have been answered/revealed in ways I was least expecting. But when you figure it out…man, it feels good.
You see (in as short of as explanation as possible) – we all have junk. “Baggage” as society likes to call it. And for some reason society has made us feel “less than” when we have baggage. Y’all. These are labels that we have put on ourselves, and put on others, and they cut like a knife into the deepest parts of our spirit, whittling away at who God created us to be, and the ability to use those gifts He gave us.
I’m opening my suitcase of baggage I try to hide, because you need to see it. Because you need to know you are not alone, because I know you have baggage too, and you are not unworthy because of it. I’m also not asking you to share your baggage if you aren’t comfortable in doing so, or seeking attention on my own things. But if you want to get it all out on the table and not let it control you any longer, then by all means, comment away 🙂
You see…I am tired of hating my body- both in it’s health & appearance. I am tired of second-guessing (and third, fourth and fifth) if what I am doing is right, wrong, what other people with think, then doubting myself in the end, or feeling guilty because I didn’t just do it. I’m tired of trying to make people happy that just aren’t going to be happy no matter what. I am tired of worrying. I’m tired of the fight between what society tells us (literally shoved down our throats all day, every day) and what we know in our hearts is right. And then more tired of what people will think, judge & treat us because we stick to our values & beliefs. Being tired of all of that is a full time job that I just don’t have time for anymore.
And that’s where I found my purpose. In presently (read: not sitting on my phone with my kids in the same room) raising my babes. In no longer complaining about my wrinkly stomach & self-image. In taking care of my body, even when it doesn’t work right & I’m frustrated – as an example to my kids and others around me. In being a light of normalcy, in a dark, crazy world. In showing by example what love is, what trust is, what forgiveness is. In being a cup of coffee & a listening ear to a friend in need. In being a meal for a worn-out momma or a laugh until you cry over a glass of wine moment. A wife that loves & serves her family and dear friends.
You see, society had me fooled that in order to exceed in life, we needed bigger, MORE, better, and shiny things. That in order to be accepted, that you have to do all the things to make others notice you, accept you, like you. That the more you’ve got on your plate, that the bigger heart you must have, and therefore you must certainly be a good person. Y’all, I know from experience…those people are struggling inside. They are (mostly, but not always) using these outlets to attempt to snuff out everything else going on in their life, staying busy with something else besides the internal battle. How is that serving anyone?
How is it that somehow, somewhere, or maybe even someone has made us feel less than worthy of being a fantastic wife to our husband, mother to our kids, or friend because of something we have experienced, endured, or even something someone has said about us that has no truth?
In all these labels, baggage, experiences, and times of silence when I prayed..the answer was clear….to use these things, all of the ugly in fact, to do exactly what God has gifted me with so far in life. My purpose is to raise kids that are grateful in the simple life, forgiving when times and people are tough, and to be confident in themselves. To raise kids that don’t only see themselves as society wants them to think they should look & act. To raise kids that share those same values with others around them & make an impact on others. To raise them with a servants heart that is focused on genuinely helping others without seeking anything in return.
Y’all, it’s gonna be hard. I’m gonna be judged by society a ga-zillion times over for not pursing all the sparkly things that are dangling within my reach because I chose to focus on what God gave me first. I mean really, how can I serve others if I am not serving on the home front. Don’t get me wrong, when wanting “more”, God doesn’t not want us to have what we want or our hearts desires. But would those extras serve Him? Right now, I don’t think so. In his silence think He’s telling me to “bloom where I am planted”. I mean, isn’t is just “ok” to provide what your family’s needs are and call it good? Isn’t it good enough to be a friend you would want to have? Aren’t relationships & memories more important than titles & material things? Isn’t it ok to share a little bit of light wherever you go? To encourage others in a world that is screaming darkness everywhere we go? I think so.
So regardless of the labels & baggage that haunt you, regardless of what people know or think, please, please, please know that you are more than those things – You are loved, your are worthy of forgiveness and a life worth living & I encourage you to find your purpose. Anything you’ve experienced, those things have happened for a reason, they are part of your testimony & can be used for good…if you let them. You are worthy through God’s grace if you allow yourself to be. Find your purpose in life, bloom where He has planted you & watch your life & the lives around you change.